


lights up (and they know who you are)

by ProfessionalPenThief



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Aromantic Asexual Jonah Beck, Book: Leah on the Offbeat, Book: Simon Versus the Homo Sapiens Agenda, F/F, F/M, Gen, Lesbian Amber (Andi Mack), M/M, Minor Jonah Beck/Andi Mack, Pansexual Andi Mack, a gigantic mamoth fic that will take forever to finish, basically love simon au with elements from the books and the movie, characters are aged up, equal focus on tyrus ambi and muffy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-02
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-16 20:09:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21276983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProfessionalPenThief/pseuds/ProfessionalPenThief
Summary: When Cyrus Goodman, a local resident of the closet™, decides to come out anonymously on his high school's Tumblr page, TJ Kippen can't help but reach out. In the process, the duo inadvertently sets off a chain of events that changes the lives of their friend circle and defines their sophomore year of high school.





	lights up (and they know who you are)

_Shine! Step into the light_  
_Shine! So bright sometimes_  
_Shine! I'm not ever going back_  
_\- Harry Styles, Lights Up, 2019_

(Trying to be brave)

Thelonius Jagger “TJ” Kippen didn’t think of himself as a particularly brave person. He had secrets, his name only one among many. They kept him up at night, shrouding him till sometimes he lost himself entirely, and in those moments, he only felt fear.

Cyrus Goodman didn’t blink twice in the face of fear. It wasn’t his bravado, but simply a testament to how accustomed he was to it. Everything made him jump - being called upon in class, gym class, his mom that one she passed him in the middle of the night, and his sleepiness failed to register her presence until it was too late.

Amber Brown was a magnificent goddess who spoke her mind, went after what she wanted, and took no shits. Her confidence was overpowering, intimidating, and it had to be because she believed that if someone peeked behind the veneer, they would find her to be laughably underwhelming. She put up walls, pretended to be brave, and hoped that would be enough. Fake it till you make it, right?

Andi Mack didn’t concern herself with bravery. She didn’t have to. She lived in the comfort zone, beautifully decorated by her creations, and never felt the urge to step out. With her art, the desire to share was so strong it didn’t even occur to her to be nervous.

Jonah Beck was a happy child who grew into a loving teen. A multitude of polaroids was pinned up on his wall for proof. To him, love and happiness felt like ultimate frisbee; Like grass scraping against his knee as he dove, chasing after the disk. Holding his girlfriend’s hand… it felt like his throat dropping into the stomach and his heart pumping where his throat ought to be and bile making its way up. But that’s probably the butterflies. Yep. Definitely butterflies.

Buffy’s mom was ex-military. Buffy was named after one of the strongest women, albeit fictional. Buffy knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, the kind of woman she wanted to be. Tough, no-nonsense, and overall badass. What she never learned was how not to be that.

Marty was a self-proclaimed romantic. He loved love. Grew up watching romcoms, devouring them in secret when his parents couldn’t join him. He conjured scenarios, of knights in armor and wishes on rose petals that came true. He dreamed about his perfect meet-cute, about how they would run into each other in the hallway and their books would spill over. Their hands would brush accidentally and set off sparks. In reality, she crashed into his life alright. One minute she wasn’t there, and the next, she was everywhere. But it seemed, she would only lead to heartbreak. And for the first time, love seemed scary.

They must have been 11, or 12 when their math professor broke down in the middle of class. Tears streamed down his face, and the class turned eerily silent. They never saw him again, never saw the end of that story. But consciously or otherwise, that day, they took away the second greatest lesson school had to offer. They wouldn’t fully realize till a few years in the future, but they learned that everyone is desperately trying to hold it together. Everyone is trying to be brave in their own way.

In their sophomore year of high school, they learned the greatest lesson of all, but more on that later.

(As far as friends go)

The humdrum of the cafeteria masked the high pitch that Cyrus’ voice had taken. “Cabaret, Andi! Cabaret!” he exclaimed, unable to contain his excitement as they made their way to their table.

Andi, his best friend, matched his grin. “A German nightclub. The set design is going to be so much fun.”

“Ms. Albright announced the school musical?” asked Buffy, the third and final part of the Good Hair Crew. They nodded simultaneously.

“What’s going on?” asked Marty as he, Jonah, and TJ joined them, each carrying food trays.

Andi slid over to make space for Jonah while Marty took his place opposite Buffy. Cyrus and TJ exchanged identical eye rolls as they sat together. It was a moment of unification, of recognizing that they were being third-wheeled by their friends... but at least they had each other.

“Cabaret,” explained Cyrus.

“I’m so excited. Their color schemes are nothing like the stuff I typically work with, but Ms. Albright strongly suggested she’ll give quite a bit of freedom.”

Amber, the last person in their lunch table group, joined them in a huff.

“Amber! Are you joining?”

“Not sure. I just got my history pop quiz back and… it’s not looking good, guys,” she replied.

“What’s going on?” mouthed Marty to Buffy, as he handed her paper napkins. She passed him the ketchup, stealing a fry from his plate.

“School musical.”

Marty’s mouth formed an O as he caught up with the conversation.

TJ tuned out the musical stuff. He’d support his friends, but he wasn’t interested in talking about it any more than necessary.

“How are the tryouts going?” he asked Buffy. “You need to fill two spots, right?”

“Have you heard of Kira? She’s a transfer from Monroe.”

“Killer shooting guard, right?”

Buffy nods. “The team needs her skills, but she has the worst attitude. Not sure what to do.”

“Captain to captain?”

“I’m all ears.”

“Trust your gut.”

Buffy nodded. TJ squeezed her shoulder, a gesture that said, ‘You got this,’ and she smiled gratefully.

“I can help with history,” said Andi, addressing Amber. A heavy silence fell over the group.

“Thanks,” muttered Amber. “I might get a tutor through the school, though.”

“Offer still stands,” said Andi. Amber smiled awkwardly and nodded.

The conversation moved on, and just like that, the table let out a collective, unconscious breath.

“I need baby tater tots and you two,” said Buffy, turning to Andi and Cyrus. They immediately agreed, confirming the time and making plans to help Cyrus rehearse. The good hair crew was the name Cyrus had dubbed for the three of them; the original trio in this large group of friends. And now and then, usually by a certain point in the semester, they needed each other — just the three of them and some baby tater tots of course.

“Maybe you can help with the singing?” Cyrus asked Jonah.

“For sure, my dude!” And then turning to Marty and TJ, he added. “When are we playing ball?”

Marty quickly filled Buffy in. “We were thinking of playing a game before the season starts proper.”

“Sounds like a plan. I’m in,” replied Buffy.

“When, though?” Jonah repeated his question, slinging an arm around Cyrus. “Cyrus and I are hanging out soon.”

Cyrus turned a beetroot red. “I’m really flexible. You guys don’t have to worry,” he added.

TJ rolled his eyes. “Chill, Goodman. Your audition’s more important.”

“Yeah. This is just cause practice is taking all the fun out of the game,” complained Marty. With a cheeky grin, he added, “Plus, I’ve got a shit captain.”

TJ flicked his head at that, and Marty immediately retaliated.

As far as friends go, they had a good group. They had their ups and downs, fights (relatively minor), and secrets (not so minor), but they also had each other. Even if they didn’t know it yet.

(Isn’t he the best)

Cyrus tapped out a random beat on the table, observing Andi, who was not paying attention. Her gaze was fixed on Jonah. Cyrus didn’t need to turn to tell that Jonah was leaning against the counter, smiling patiently as he waited for a server. Or that Andi was checking out his butt. And so would the server when he inevitably turned and made his way back to them.

Andi smiled and sighed contently, biting her lip as she watched Jonah. ‘Her boyfriend,’ added Cyrus in his head. In a way, he was glad he was facing away from him. This was not a mess he was prepared to handle.

“Baby tater tots are on the way,” said Jonah as he slid into a seat next to Andi. ‘His girlfriend,’ Cyrus reminded himself.

“Isn’t he the best?” asked Andi to Cyrus as she quickly pecked Jonah on the cheek.

Jonah seemed momentarily taken aback, but then he smiled, his dimples deepening. Cyrus pulled out his phone. He scrolled through Tumblr, to avoid having to look either of his best friends in the eye.

“Unfortunately, I gotta go,” said Jonah.

“I’ll walk you to the door,” offered Andi.

“It’s right there,” muttered Cyrus, unable to help himself.

Andi squinted at him, praying he would take a hint. Cyrus blushed furiously. At the familiar tinkle of the doorbell, he decided it was safe to look up. Out of the clear glass windows, he could see them holding hands. He couldn’t hear their goodbyes, but her words from earlier came floating back to him.

_Isn’t he the best?_

He felt shame, and guilt, and self-loathing - of course! But underneath it all, butterflies. The sudden wave of emotion compelled him to pull up the Jefferson High School’s unofficial Tumblr page. He needed to tell someone, anyone, and he needed to do it now, before Andi came back, before Buffy joined them, before he burst.

(I’m not alone)

TJ absently stared at the young man mowing a lawn in tight shorts, his biceps flexing with every movement. He figured it must be Amber’s neighbor. He looked like he could be in college, and TJ contemplated talking to him. He almost raised his hand in greeting when Amber slid into the passenger seat.

He felt his heart throbbing in his throat. Fuck. He couldn’t slip up like this. He couldn’t have anyone guessing he was… Not after he was so careful. He made it a point to be the last one to enter the boys’ locker room after practice, to skip the urinals for stalls, to listen to Drake, and to change god knows how many other little things.

As he tried to catch his breath, Amber greeted him good morning. If she noticed anything out of the ordinary about him, she didn’t comment. Instead, she offered him a pop tart wrapped in a paper napkin. TJ gladly accepted, taking a large bite before placing it on the dashboard. He passed her the aux as he backed out.

Amber blasted ‘_Cool for the Summer_’ and TJ predictably groaned out loud.

“Amber, do you know it’s 2019?”

She rolled her eyes and turned up the volume. Despite his snark, he didn’t try to snatch the aux or change the song. In fact, he slowly found himself bopping along.

He and Amber were an unlikely pairing, but it was one of his most treasured friendships. It was a happy coincidence that they had found this dynamic. About a year or so ago, their friend group found themselves hanging out late into the night. Later than usual, and when they separated, with Amber in need of a ride, TJ offered his services. It made the most sense - They lived reasonably close by, and he wasn’t about to let her go alone.

He hadn’t failed to notice that Jonah hadn’t offered and that she hadn’t asked him. They had been doing the on-again, off-again bullshit since middle school, but somewhere along the line, whatever 7th-grade feelings they had started with had dissolved entirely. They kept coming back to each other like old habits, comfortable back up plans. And though no one said it, they all knew it was only a matter of time before they got back together.

TJ sighed. There were higher stakes this time - Andi. Andi and Jonah made sense to TJ. She snuck in through your defenses, and by the time you noticed, she would have grown a home in your front yard. And Jonah - TJ couldn’t deny his appeal. No one could resist him. They were bound to come together at some point.

The song changed, and TJ immediately recognized Amber’s deep, rich voice. She blushed furiously and moved to change the song.

“Let it play!”

He tapped along on the steering wheel. Whatever chemistry was missing in their relationship, Jonah and Amber made up for it in their harmonies. During his more cynical hours, TJ wondered if Jonah and Amber had gotten together simply for the YouTube subscribers. He loved them, but he wouldn’t put it past them.

“Did you hear about the gay kid in school?”

TJ nearly crashed the car at that sentence. ‘What the fuck! Amber’.

He slowly composed his expression as best as he could. Willing his heart rate to go down, he turned his head at an angle. One eye on Amber, one on the road. Equal chance of everything crashing down around him.

“Yeah, there’s this kid who came out on the school’s unofficial Tumblr. Listen to this - “I like to think there’s a moment, right after I say the words and right before everything goes to shit, when there will only be pure, unadulterated joy. I’m just trying to figure out how to make that moment last a lifetime. I want to be prepared when I tell people I’m gay.””

“Wow,” muttered TJ, waiting for Amber’s reaction.

“This is awful. People should be able to be who they are!”

As they pulled into the school parking lot, TJ answered, relief course through his body. “Yeah.”

He waited until Amber had left for class. He practically pushed her out, asking her to go ahead. Checking in the rearview mirror, he waited till she was completely out of sight before pulling out his phone. It took a little bit of scrolling, but then he found the ask in question.

It wasn’t anonymous exactly; it was linked to a real blog. But the blog didn’t have any likes, reblogs, or even a display picture. It was practically anonymous, and he wouldn’t have expected any less. As he created a profile for himself, only one thought kept repeating itself in his brain.

‘I’m not alone.’ 

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, 
> 
> Thank you for reading. 
> 
> I do not know when I will finish this fic. There is a lot of irl workload and I don't have the discipline for a schedule but I can promise that slowly but surely, it will be finished. 
> 
> Also, I know this fandom is mainly people under 20 so I want to make it clear that I am a grown adult and if that makes anyone uncomfortable, feel free to not interact. That being said, the fic will NOT be dealing with adult matters. I am writing these characters as if they are in high school (I aged them up a little for my own comfort) and so there will NOT be any gross, fictional equivalent of child porn. 
> 
> Once again, thank you thank you thank you for reading.


End file.
